tell me.

I just forget.
Most my stuff is over at www.thebeautyisfake.com, which is my personal site/blog.
its easier to update, customise and i can get it just the way i want it.
you can also view my youtube videos there.
 

some little shit erased my name in the overtime book and wrote theirs in my place.

either that, or the admin in that store are complete  dunces and somehow let my shift slip.
i wasted two hours altogether travelling there and back, being told "oh you're not working today sorry".
aren't i? i booked this  time TWO WEEKS AGO.
i'm going to check that book, and if my name isn't where i wrote it, i swear to god..
buses are too expensive as it is.
i do love double deckers..not sure why.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

work yesterday was amazing.
i get called off the till by mark, the coolest guy ever. he goes "i need your help".
takes me to the store room an opens the door to this smaller room. inside, shelf upon shelf of video games just..sitting there.
he asks me "which one should i buy?".
then after that, we go looking for his locker key, he buys me some chocolate and the shift is over.
BEST SHIFT EVER TO BE HONEST.

then i go home and feel a little off. wake up and now im hardcore ill. sore throat, headache, groggy chest. perfect. i hope i can bag a day off tomorrow, i cannot work like this.

talking about weird stuff.
my ex girlfriend phoned at 3am last night. i didn't answer, my parents did. i only just found out it was her number. why is she calling that late? it's a school night for her, she wouldn't be out so calling "by mistake" is somewhat weird.
i'm quite concerned/worried that she's done something stupid. but i can't really look into it just yet.
i'm probably just paranoid.

shit mood.

its me kids!
hooray!
whats been doing on in my life?
 all. absolutely nothing.
i work at sainsburys, i get lots of money.
i broke up with my girlfriend and am now single.
im going to university in weymouth this september.
im making music and its going great.

OK THATS SUMMARISED AND IM BACK UP TO DATE.
NOW I CAN POST WITHOUT YOU WONDERING WTF IM TALKING ABOUT :D

and to be honest, i cannot stand it.

i forgot i had this.
im so sorry.
UPDATESUPDATESSOONYAYOMGUPDATES.

I will update more soon.
I'm so confused.
I need direction.
Help.

I'm in a world not far from my own
I'm not used to this
I'm not used to this
I'm seeing life turned left, right, upside down
Not used to this
Not used to this

Is there anybody out here?
Am i a stranger to a world that never was?
Shades of black and white set the scene
This lack of colour makes me uneasy

Is this all that there ever was?
Is this what we get when it's all over?
I see a road but it has no end
A metaphor for something quite exquisite


I feel nothing but i feel everything
I want to be what everyone else should be
Its coming down, and
Everything you said will
Break Apart
Break Apart
Break Apart

i refuse to let life drag me down.
i refuse to live life as a routine of actions.
i want to live.
i want to breathe.
i want to do what i want, when i want.
i dont want to feel like im stuck in some chain of actions that ultimately plans my death to the T.
no, i won't let this happen.
i just won't.
i would rather die trying than live in regret.
and if that means i die today, tomorrow, or next year.
so be it.
bring it the  on.

it's 6am and i really should be NOT going to work.
but i am.
but at least i finish at 2pm this way, and i get a break so it isn't really as bad.
reading persepolis whenever i get the chance, an incredible graphic novel about a girl who grows up during and in the middle of the iranian revolution. my mother is iranian and reading this gives me some brief insight to life over there in the past.
it makes me feel proud to be who i am, which i've never felt because i always felt ashamed.
i never knew my heritage was this rich.